Boring Is O.K.... For Now

I suppose it's easy to become content in life. I get stuck in a routine: I wake up and go to work, plan my day at the office, go out and see a few patients, chart on my computer, eat lunch, check my email, run some errands, go home, eat supper, have some time with my family and maybe my friends, do some unpacking and work on the house, read some, go to sleep and wake up to do it all over again. Most days are like that now.

Don't get me wrong: I'm not complaining! I haven't lived so long that I have had every experience that's out there, but I've had enough of them to know that the word "routine" and "boring" are not always synonymous. There has been so much upheaval, discord and change in my life that routine (and even boring!) are welcome!

There comes a point, though, when what is routine does become boring, and enough of that causes an idle mind with idles hands and feet. That, of course, can cause problems: "an idle mind is the devil's workshop" and all that. But it's not so much that my idleness will cause me to go do something irresponsible and crazy (a.k.a. "sinful"). The most insidious problem is that my spirit and mind will become content with the way things are, that my daily "routine" will become reality. This isn't necessarily a bad thing, but it can become an excuse to not grow any deeper than where I am.

My routine can cause me to become inflexible and resistant to growth. It can cause me to become oblivious to the wonder and beauty around me, as well as harden my heart to the suffering and needs of those around me. Getting stuck in such a daily routine leaves little room for God because it's all about me and my agenda for the day versus allowing God to lead me to where I need to go.

Lately I've been feeling that my daily routine has been overriding my relationship with God. I feel like I've become task and goal oriented rather than people and relationship oriented. There is certainly a great excuse for this: we've recently moved into a place of our own and have been BUSY BUSY BUSY getting settled in and (trying!) to take care of minor and major problems that come with moving.

But even that is not really an excuse. I make time in my daily life for the things I want to do. And lately I haven't made time for God. Soooo.... do I really want to make time for God? Do I really want to spend time with my Creator and Lord? Do I really want to continue to grow more deeply and passionately in love with Jesus?

Do I really want to answer these questions? Because I know what the answer is, and it disturbs me, as it should.

The answer is no. I am more concerned with my agenda, my tasks and goals, my to-do list. Quietly, almost imperceptibly, this mind-set becomes the status quo. I begin to only pay lip service to God and in the process I cheapen who He is and all of what He's done for me - both known and unknown.

What disturbs me about this process is how easily I am swayed by the cares and priorities of those around me instead of being focused and intent on listening to the voice of God. There are certainly many distractions that regularly assault my senses: phone calls and supervisors, co-workers and neighbors, radio and television, facebook, email, children, family, church commitments, housework - just to name a few!

With distraction comes other priorities and with a shift in those basic priorities comes a forgetfulness, like my mind has been muddled and confused. I feel I am drifting along, and my spirit is just surviving but not really living.

The cure for this is NOT, of course, to just knuckle down and try harder! The cure is NOT to just think "positive and encouraging thoughts." The cure is that there is not cure. This is just being human. I am limited, feeble and easily swayed. That's reality. Praying more, reading my Bible more, attending more church services seems like a good thing - and they can be! But at this point I think those things can become a way to justify my continued reliance on myself versus responding to God. They can become religious activities done to make myself feel better (or to show others how "spiritual" I am) versus simply allowing God to work in me and through me as I am right now.

I'm not advocating an abandonment of prayer or Bible reading/study or attending church. These things are, I feel, essential to a life of following Jesus. But if I resolve to "do more" of these things in an already tight and often uncompromising schedule, then I will most likely fail. I know because I've done this in the past. I realize that I am not a failure in the truest sens of that word, but the feeling is very real. That feeling leaves me open to the voices of shame, blame, doubt and regret. That is NOT what I need.

What do I need then? I need to do just what I am doing: be responsible for what God has placed in front of me to do right now, recognize my limitations and leave the rest to God.

I suppose that if I do these so-called "simple" things then I will be more content and being content and recognize that being in a predictable daily routine that often involves boredom is... well, O.K. It's okay to be bored. It's okay to be predictable. I've spent nearly my entire life on an emotional-spiritual roller coaster of change from valleys to peaks back to valleys again. I suppose this season of growth looks very different. Boring is okay... for now.